Need to figure out how to dump a toxic friend without losing our mutual friends. FML
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Loading ...Need to figure out how to dump a toxic friend without losing our mutual friends. FML
'12 4:55 pm on January 27, 2012 Permalink |
I’ve been doing this year without any problems – just to talk to everyone else, and explain why exactly said person is toxic. If you have legitimate reasons, they will probably understand….well, under the assumption that they are decent people (otherwise they might be toxic themselves….)
Pierre 6:55 pm on January 27, 2012 Permalink |
All the friends are poison!
Anonymous 8:19 pm on January 27, 2012 Permalink |
that’s terrible advice. why try to turn others against that person? dumping someone shouldn’t take any active work – you just need to work on the friendships you do value.
'12 8:38 pm on January 27, 2012 Permalink
Did I say “turn everyone else against the person” anywhere in there? I don’t think so. And yes, you need to work on the friendships that you value, but when said friendships are tied to a toxic, draining friendship that isn’t doing anything but hurting you, you need to take steps (such as the ones outlined above) to both extricate yourself from the negative situation and maintain the good one. Obviously this won’t work well if you are acting like a Gossip Girl and just want to ditch the toxic friend for a shallow reason, but if there’s actually a serious reason behind your decision, then other (reasonable & non-toxic) people should be able to understand.
same sitch 8:29 pm on January 27, 2012 Permalink |
But our mutual friends don’t understand why I can’t be around the toxic friend… they’d dump me if i dump the friend.
Bad advice 8:40 pm on January 27, 2012 Permalink |
Even if you have legitimate reasons though, if you tell your other friends straight out that you don’t like him/her for any reason, you’re kinda asking them to take sides, which could end really badly.
'12 10:36 pm on January 27, 2012 Permalink
As I said above, the simple “You don’t like him/her” scenario is not what I in particular am talking about. This is what happened with one of my “friends” – she became a huge social climber, completely fake, and only decided to call me or even speak to me when I had something that she wanted. She literally would go months without saying anything to me, completely neglected any efforts made on my part to this respect, and would only call me when she had a homework about a class or needed help with something. made up excuses to cancel any plan that was made. She even lied to my face and said she couldn’t come to my birthday because she was “busy with work” (I later found out that she didn’t come because she went out with other people). As it happens, she is completely isolated from the rest of my “real friends,” so there really isn’t any damage that is being caused as a result of my telling them what’s going on. This is pretty much the same case with all of my toxic friendships. However, I don’t see how this would be different for a situation where she is *not* fully isolated from your real friends – if someone treats you like shit and hurts you like that, the people around you should care and understand, even if they are acquainted with her too. I don’t see how my choosing to drop off really makes a difference – after all, I’m not mandating them to stop hanging out with her or take sides. I am saying is that the way she treats me is not fair, and that’s what is going on. If they wanted to continue being friends with her, I wouldn’t begrudge them – I would hope, actually, that she wouldn’t treat everybody like shit. But yes, I suppose that if you badmouth the person and ask them to take sides, things could end badly, which is what you were saying. Sorry for the long post – this is a topic I have very strong opinions about and that hits close to home.
'12 10:37 pm on January 27, 2012 Permalink
“She made excuses to cancel any plan that was made” –> my bad
AH 12:09 am on January 28, 2012 Permalink
Learning not to be offended by people who do not celebrate your birthday or who do not constantly socialize with you is something one learns in elementary school. By now, you should have learned that you can have a variety of different types of relationships, with the result that you should not expect your friends to live up to the extremely high standards that you seem to have set for them.
Learn those lessons or at least figure out how to entertain yourself for the few months we have left until graduation.
'12 8:33 am on January 28, 2012 Permalink
Thanks for the douchey comment, AH – would not have expected anything better from you. What about the bit about using people – is that also something you “learn in elementary school?”
I expect my core friends to live up to those standards, and all of them do. I also have other friends that I do not constantly socialize with all the time, but that don’t use me, and I still consider them to be good friends. The problem arises when you become fake and start using people just because you think you can. Continually lying is also not OK. I said that above, but clearly your douchey little brain selectively nitpicked just so you could post some half-assed comment just for the sake of posting it. I will take your advice and figure out an enjoyable way to spend these last few months, but I suggest you take your own advice and find something less pathetic to do with your time than trolling the Internet and leaving stupid comments just for the sake of doing it. That, I think, is something you most definitely would have learned in elementary school.
'12 9:17 am on January 28, 2012 Permalink
I can see why your friend might lie to avoid being around you, OP.
duuh 8:21 pm on January 27, 2012 Permalink |
slowly and casually remove that person from life.
yep 4:44 am on January 28, 2012 Permalink |
+1
J.J. 4:16 pm on January 28, 2012 Permalink |
lol
AR ‘10